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Pain in the neck

Tuesday, April 7th, 2015

Ethnoambient Salona

Monday, July 21st, 2014

 

Upravo sam otvoreni ruksak okrenula naopako i pustila da sadrzaj isklizi na pod.

Jednostavan nacin ciscenja svega sto je ovih dana ulazilo u ruksak i nakupljalo se jer je vrijeme za odvajanje vaznog i nevaznog bilo koristeno za druge, tada bitnije misli, osjecaje, susrete, dogadjaje. Na vrhu hrpe lezi foto aparat. Drugi put pronadjen. Prosle godine ostavila sam ga na pozornici za vrijeme tonske probe The False Beards jer sam u jednom trenutku primijetila da nesto treba napraviti vezano za njihov nastup i usmjerila svu pozornost na to. Tek desetak minuta prije pocetka koncerta primijetila sam da aparat nije u ruksaku.

Nadjen je na istom mjestu gdje je ostavljen, na rubu pozornice pored koje su tijekom tog vremena prosle stotine posjetitelja festivala Ethnoambient, na putu prema mjestima gdje ce se smjestiti.

Drugi put se isti zaborav dogodio na samom zavrsetku koncerta Kile u petak. Kartica se napunila, novu nisam uspjela odmah naci i izvukla sam mobitel kako bih snimila bendov naklon najljepsoj publici. Pola sata poslije, aparat je stajao na istom kamenu gdje je sam ga u zanosu ostavila. Stotine EA dusa prosle su pored njega. Ljudima ispunjenih srdaca ne pada na pamet uzeti stvarcicu koja je dio ljubavi nekog drugog. Prijatelj me u subotu pita kako mi se moze dogoditi da zaboravim na foto aparat. I on je fotograf i zna da je to prakticki nemoguce. I meni je nemoguce. Osim kad je EA festival u pitanju. Sve u i oko njega u mojem zivotu ima prednost.

Kad god Mojmir, Goran i ja govorimo da Ethnoambient Salona ima posebnu, divnu publiku, pitaju nas neki: a sto to znaci? Znaju osjecati glazbu, odgovaramo. Znaju biti svoji i dopustati drugima isto to, bez prosudjivanja. Znaju vaznost bogatstva raznolikosti, razlicitosti misljenja, osjecaja, ponasanja. Znaju voljeti, dodamo. Moze li se “znati” voljeti ili je to sposobnost otpustanja, odvajanja bitnog od nebitnog u svakome trenutku?

Cinimo sve sto mozemo da i mi i i glazbenici i publika tijekom festivala mozemo upravo tako razlucivati i samo se prepustiti darovima glazbe. Ove smo godine postavili ograde oko prostora gdje su se proteklih godina djeca igrala i skakutala, ne da bismo sprijecili djecu da se razigraju vec da bi njihovi roditelji mogli mirnije duse prisutvovati koncertu i da ne moraju strahovati hoce li netko od njih pasti i ozlijediti se. Djeca su ponovno nasla svoje mjesto, uz opustenije roditelje koji su ovaj put iz prvih redova mogli bezbrizno slusati i gledati koncerte, a da su im djeca na oku.

Iz prikrajka promatram kako se svo to sarenilo dusa promatra osmjesima. Tu i tamo netko pogleda u nebo i osmijeh na licu postane jos veci. Znaju i da, kakve god vremenske okolnosti bile, bit ce o.k. To nije publika koja kuka vec se u svim okolnostima snalazi najbolje sto moze. Oni iskusniji posjetitelji umiruju nove. Bilo je svakakvih okolnosti i svi smo nalazili rijesenja. ( http://blog.dnevnik.hr/oceana/2011/07/1629398949/a-sto-ako.html ). Oni, mi, vi… izblijede definicije i uloge, pretope se u zagrljaje i obnavljanje snage. “Ima li tu zarade?” pitanje je koje se sve rjedje provuce do nas jer nakon 17. godina odustaju i najuporniji u pokusajima da umom shvate nesto sto pripada sferi srca, proslavi zajednistva u raznolikosti, proslavi Zivota.

Bogatstvo koje svi zajedno dobijemo ovisi o pustanju uma da se ispuni prazninom i dopusti srcu da se prosiri bez naucenih definicija. Iznova se otkrivamo. Gradina i mi. Otpustamo i dopustamo.

Meni je najveci izazov prihvatiti da nas iz godine u godinu doceka sve manje biljnog zivota na Gradini. Prohodam etericnu tugu i otpustam da bih uvijek iznova vjezbala fokusiranje i zahvalnost na onome sto postoji. A toga je i dalje u obilju. Vidljivo prelazi u oku nevidljivo, ali je i dalje ondje i pruza mogucnost da jos vise prosirimo sposobnosti nasih osjetila. Ovdje. Tu. Mijenjamo se, rastemo, okupljamo se, dijelimo, sakupljamo i sirimo. Svi zajedno. Nova godina za mene pocinje nakon svakog festivala EA. I ove je godine sjajno pocela; toplinom, uzbudljivom mirnocom, pod zvjezdanim nebom u okruzenju divne EA obitelji. Hvala, Ljubavi.

 

 

 

Spiro – the wordless storytellers

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014

 

The first time I heard the music of Spiro, a familiar tingling swept over my skin, inside and out. “They also know…”, I thought. Wordless comfort in the songs brimming with stories. My stories. Your stories. Their stories.

After a while, the same songs swooped in with different themes. Like a chameleon, they would match my inner state and complement my surroundings only to seamlessly begin a transformation and each time create a new topic, a new pathway to explore; parts of songs that maybe one time seemed to offer an enhanced relaxation background, the next time turn into a rush of irresistible energy that prompt me to dance with it or have a completely different inner visual experience, listening to a different story, a new movie in my head…

However, one song is excepted from this chameleonic playfulness.

For me, the “Yellow noise”, a song from the album “Kaleidophonica”, always brings one theme only: “arguing” with the Sun that, after many days of dusk at noon under multiple layers of heavy clouds, makes a sudden, loud entry and lures outside when I need to be inside!

After the first cheer on a visit from the life bearing shine, comes ignore button and then, as the tempting rays become more tenacious in unveiling all the possibilities that come with the sunny day, slight irritation slides in:

“Oh, now you appear! Just now when I have things to do inside!”

 

The long awaited fun friend all of a sudden becomes a nuisance that just wouldn’t stop with the excuses to get me out; the one that can’t be made angry and that keeps smiling and calling and seducing me out of my invented dutifulness and into…living in the moment.

Reckless abandon.

x

x

x

At the surrender point, while transforming from the human doing into a human being, the yellow is no longer experienced as a noise; it becomes warm, melodic light that nourishes all senses…

 

Yes, they do know.

They know how to allow.

Allow what? Well, it depends on the state of the one listening, or rather – watching and listening.

Spiro’s albums are wonderful wordless audio books yet experiencing them live is a treat of a special kind.

x

x

 

 

Photographs made during their concert at the Salisbury Arts Centre.

 

 

 

 

 

 

On Weather…it seems…

Sunday, July 1st, 2012

 

 

It is challenging to trust there is a balance when only considering one part of the whole.  If I focus on my aching feet I may experience my entire body is in disfunction. However, a long walk resulted in a stronger back,  tonified skin, calmer mind and reenergized body as a whole (yes, again, except for the feet that will need some time to feel the beneficial effects of the momentary overstimulation).

 

It is July 1st. The central heating is on in my current home as it has been for the entire month of June. Transportation of summer clothes proved to be a waste of space and weight on the airplane. My sunglasses are useful though as they save my eyes from various particles the inexorable wind and rain keep bringing in their vicinity.

 

On the other part of this mysterious planet of ours, some of my family and friends are praying for a gust of wind and a drop of refreshing water from the sky. As much energy I use for warming up, they spend on cooling down. Parts of extreme…

 

However…

 

In the wholeness of this enchanting earthly globe, those two extreme circumstances seem just like two aching feet in the entirety of one body, unaware of the uncomprehending vastness of Life, awesome in its diversity, intriguing in its mystery.

Yet another storm is over. I can go out now and work on training my eyes to adjust to different environment, hoping the new experiences will soften my heart to embrace what I know as unusual. More walking may result in losing the archetypal fear of the ego and it may, above all, strengthen my feet…

For T.

Wednesday, January 11th, 2012

Dear T.

whenever I need a reminder on any essential facts of life, I find it in the Nature. I take a walk and just observe, inhale, let go of any presuppositions and assumptions and just allow myself to… be. It often feels like taking off the layers of inherited or adopted cloaks, capes and robes or like relieving a lens from various filters that are supposed to protect its delicate and expensive inner structure or enhance/improve/change what is, all in the name of “adapting to circumstances”.

All very useful yet not at that particular time when “being in the Nature” means being in tune with the lightest part of me, the one that judges not and asks for no approval of its being, the one that needs no protection and needs not to protect, control or supervise yet just…is. Such Nature includes a walk by the sea, around trees as well as synchronistic events involving people – experiencing human nature and the nature of a tree as a naked creation of joyous, light, smiling vibrations.

And all is well and all is a well of one extraordinary, nourishing reality.

 

It works for me, for you, something else might be a source of a relief, reassurance, energy, pure joy… Something you can pull out when those “It’s too much” feelings shake the imaginary reality. I can’t say I created those moments, they sort of happen once I…yes, now I’ll put in the famous “let go” expression… Just recently I felt overwhelmed with many changes (some sudden, some expected) in my life and one particular visit to the sea, the vastness of space in which mighty waves were rolling and splashing in an ever-changing mode, was a perfect reminder how change is inevitable, how the sea is constantly changing, how every wave is different as so is every moment on this planet and how natural change is as a process of life whether we comprehend the circumstances or not.

Just by observing the waves crashing on the shore felt like each of them carried a relieving gust of wind that threw away hindering thought patterns and redundant beliefs, allowing space for new adventures and skills, new experiences and opportunities to learn more about the world and about myself, the world in me and me in the world. Isn’t it great that we always have a choice of perspective – as it is said: we can moan that rose has thorns or celebrate that thorns have roses.

Hope this letter answers your question, dear T. and that in your time and space you will allow yourself to rediscover your own reminders and experience your very own naked truth that will change the perspective of powerlessness and scarcity into one of strength and… Enoughness? ;)

Hugs

A.

Ordinary people, extraordinary moments

Monday, October 3rd, 2011

„…Society increasingly depends on ordinary people taking responsibility for doing extraordinary things.“ This simple statement in today’s post from A. Gawande, a surgeon and The New Yorker’s columnist, triggered a thought about many people I know, those who even may not be aware how extraordinary and inspirational their deeds are.

 

Many of them are daily present on social networks and we connect via Facebook and Twitter, many don’t even use such things and e-mail is the furthest they’ll go as far as digital communication is concerned and some don’t even own a computer or a telephone. Regardless, they are present in my mind, even if we don’t exchange a word this way or another for months, they pop up at the right time when in need for an energy boost.

 

Whenever I get that awesome feeling of gratefulness for the richness of my life there are always several and many of them included in that feeling. Even when I contemplate some ideas or past actions that to someone would seem I had done on my own, there is a flow of memories of indirectly inspirational and even directly supportive thoughts or deeds of some of my friends, acquaintances, teachers, family members, researchers of various fields of interest or perfect strangers on the streets of this or that village, town or city. Some of them will probably never know how strongly they’ve triggered something nourishing in me, how one word or a glance produced an entire story – a non-fiction trigger for a fiction wrapped outlet.

 

I’ve learned more about myself through them, more about what I can or don’t want to, about what feels more or less right to my authentic self, so many valuable insights, so many playful moments, so many lives…

Even when I choose solitude for a longer period of time in order to get deeper into something I’m researching, I do not shut down the channels for synchronicity, I do not put a lead curtain on the path of telepathy – for so many times I’ve witnessed how precious those unexpected guide-lines can be.

 

There is a saying that the books in our home library are our biography. Yes, various reads influence our thoughts and thus our realities yet even more influential are people with whom we interact,  people we admire and (sub)consciously use as a model on various paths we walk through different periods in life. Those people may seem “ordinary” as individuals yet may have done extraordinary, inspiring, awesome things that may have changed our way of thinking, our way of forming the Reality or simply triggered a smile, a nourishing substance in that particular, extraordinary moment.

 

Friendship

Sunday, September 11th, 2011

I have an amazing friend who is so patient with me, tolerates my sudden pauses in the middle of a sentence or when I stop abruptly during our walks… She understands why I sometimes stand like a statue unable to take my eyes of some scene in the nature… and she waits…

Yesterday we took a walk by the sea, a few people still on the beach, catching the warm rays just before the Sun was about to embrace the hill and the scenery in front of us was amazing…The stones emerging from the sea looked like made of gold, purified by a silvery-blue water… Wonderful contrast of tints, shades and tones…Once I got my breath back I started to look for a place to stabilize my camera… Nothing flat was around on the position I wanted to place my camera and the shade was approaching the golden stones…

“Ah, look at that light and the waves…and I can’t find a flat ground to take a longer exposure…”

A few moments later, a perfect, flat piece of stone appears by my side.

“Would this help?”, she asks handing me the stone.

It did help… She did.

The scene gracefully mirrored into my camera… I got my reminder on yet another blissful moment in the nature.

This photograph will always remind me of her patience, as well, of her acceptance of the fact that when it is two of us it’s always one more, my camera, and thanks to her tolerance it never feels like there is a third wheel and I never feel I’m failing her; she waits for either mine or her paused sentences to be completed a bit later, understanding how much those wanderings of light in the nature are magical to me…

Friendships are precious, soul family that heart chooses… One of the definitions of unconditional love…

Friends intuitively feel us even when thousands of kilometres away and send text messages asking how we are in the times no one knows we’ve shut down during painful moments of growth… Friends are our family with whom we learn, share, support each other and exchange shoulders to lean on and with whom we celebrate and rejoice.

Friends expand our hearts and help us open our minds a bit more every time. They support us in learning more about our authentic selves.

We broaden paths and expand the roads for each other… We hand each other a torch when in need or… find a way to help regain the balance – and sometimes it is not about metaphors and life defining choices, sometimes it is just about a piece of the right stone at the right time…

 

 

 

 

A lesson in walking…

Wednesday, August 24th, 2011

I hurt my feet (and then they were hurting me for several years)…

I had to change my pace and walk slower, mind more closely where I am going and avoid surfaces that might hit the specific sore spots on my feet. When it became frustrating to be so cautious I decided to turn it into a game: let’s see how many ways there are to make a step… Toes-heel, heel-toes and tons more… And when I’d hit the painful spot anyway and my leg would fall out of control I’d make it as if I was dancing… with reckless abandon…

I decided (yes, again, it’s always about the decision what meaning we give to specific situations) this painful situation with my feet was a metaphor for my “business steps” and where and how I “walked in life” in general, so I was teaching myself the new ways of doing my job(s), studying more as well as learning to be more relaxed, more at ease with the unexpected, handling the surprises, more flexible and just letting go of the old and allowing the new insights. Of course I went beyond metaphors, too and learned more about muscles and bones, about various therapeutic techniques…  Exploring the situation from all angles and still pondering endlessly on what I did wrong and how to avoid it “next time” and then…

All that might have been valuable analysing yet then a reminder of Thich Nhat Hanh’s thoughts arrived:  “ Walk as if you are kissing the earth with your feet…” , and a smile spread all over my face…

For a moment I dropped all the analysing and just enjoyed the loving, gentle lightness invoked by those words…

Sometimes one gets overwhelmed by engaging in all the mind work, the paradox of working hard to learn how to relax.

O, yes, I could have analysed those Hanh’s words as well and could have found at least ten more messages in it, saving some in the files with various labels where I keep updates on numerous techniques and methods for improving the quality of life yet I decided not to and instead just allowed the feelings of lightness and love to spread all over me, for no logical reason at all…

And it felt so good…

Just like a very deep state of bliss, a meditation, breathing technique, a graceful prayer of gratitude, all in one.

Whatever way I do it, it is always beneficial to occasionally let go of all the research, all the open and hidden messages, meanings and lessons or just remind myself: “Walk as if you are kissing the earth with your feet”…

And I do. And every time it’s a different and a wonder-full experience.

Even if it’s just for a moment or two, I feel so good and afterwards I’m ready to go back to whatever I was doing, refreshed on so many levels to keep on walking…

I hurt my feet and then they were teaching me all sorts of lessons for several years yet the most valuable one was to find that lightness in-between the “courses”, that feeling of loving gentleness, that serenity… like when walking as if kissing the earth with my feet.

On Twitter

Saturday, June 18th, 2011

So, I’ve joined the network called Twitter.

“Welcome to 2011, darling.”

“Ah, things like that existed hundreds of years ago just functioned on a different level. More on telepathic…” It was more of “that look” chat.

My Soulmate knows me too well. I’ve also resisted Myspace and Facebook for some time just because “everyone” was on it. The moment something takes a mass-following-proportions (it could be a film, a book or whatever), a sort of alarm fires up in me even though I love networking. I just have moments of acting like a concerned hermit who likes to analyze too much before accepting anything. It’s just a pattern that saves me from spreading too thin, I guess. Surely, those moments sometimes last for quite a while but time is a stretchy, personal unit, anyway and it is there to allow space for learning more about oneself (often in order to change – for the better, of course). Yes, now I admit I find Facebook pretty useful since many of my friends and people I like to stay in touch with live far away and I don’t get to see them often, so reading their updates regularly and seeing their photos from the currant fun time or getting to know their family and friends better even in this way is precious.

And now Twitter. Who is it for and why?

I am still figuring it out. My Soulmate keeps telling me he finds it interesting and useful. Well, surely there are loads of his peers, programmers on all web networks sharing latest discoveries of their minds and technologies, still for me…

First I used the search option to find many of maximum 140 character short posts about things I was interested in. Not much different than any search engine yet here it was short, concise and often with a link to wider descriptions plus you quickly get a picture who is behind a post; a person with similar interests, a company with open agenda or even someone you know personally.  It makes a same reference to be considered quite differently and helps get to the fields of interests directly, without first having to deal with flashy front lines of someone else’s idea of what “should” interest you before you reach the desired destination.

I’ve also found some of the people whose work I appreciate and it is lovely to receive updates on their work from their personal perspective and not just as quotes on quotes. Quotes are o.k. at certain moments, as reminders, yet I rather hear how a certain quote influenced someone’s life in particular, what beneficial changes a certain phrase brought to him or to her.

Changes… And… There! An opportunity of one soon presented itself. The Challenge for Ms Ooh, Ooh I Am So Not. The thing is that if you want to get updates from certain people you have to click the button that says „follow“ and thus you become their “follower“ on Twitter. Er… Follower? Sounds guruish. Not my thing. Ha! Do I smell a challenge here? However, that’s the linguistic approach on the network called „Twitter“ so if I wanted to explore it I had to accept certain rules. Right. What to do but change the meaning of the word „follow“ in my mind? Few minutes of some reframing and I was smiling at my own recent states. (O.K. I did more than that as I also used this as an opportunity to dig deeper and realize why do I resist that word so much yet explanation of that process and it’s results would require writing several posts if not a book!) The letters haven’t changed their shape or sequence while forming a word but my perception of it’s meaning has changed.

I love words. I love how we can change a context and a certain word can change our inner worlds. „We change“, „I“, „you“… I’ve already mentioned on this blog that when I write „you“ or „we“ I mean „I“. And I find the „I“ in other people’s posts. Mirrors all around.

So I’m discovering many mirrors on Twitter. Some of them might not even be aware how some of their tweets (!) might have reflected or brought a smile to an unknown face. There are many things we don’t need to know as there are many we benefit from by bringing them into our daily awareness. It’s all about balancing between the known and unknown. All we need comes our way, anyway. Sometimes it takes chasing Kairos’ hair yet those moments of avoiding a touch of serendipitous moment are also challenges to learn from, so there is a gain in every way.

A few days on Twitter already brought me some new challenges, i.e. some new opportunities to question several patterns I’ve previously chosen to explore.

Also, as previously on the network called „Facebook“, some friends get reconnected via Twitter and searching on certain topic can bring more interesting/useful results on Twitter than on other search engines as far as time efficiency is concerned.

All in all, I’ve decided I like it so far. As long as I do, I’ll see it as a contribution to this time and space, another way of people sharing their thoughts, exchanging ideas, learning, finding new peers, connecting and reconnecting.

Yes, of course, element of fun must be included and so far it is so.

There. I think this might be the longest text I’ve posted on this blog so far. Thoughts described with so many words usually don’t end up on my blogs, why now? Hm… Now, there is a challenge: analyzing that in less than 140 characters?

Sharing is caring.
May be if we decide that’s what it means to us and allow it. We get what we focus on, anyway ;) .

Decluttering

Monday, March 14th, 2011

I saw a photograph today that served me as a tranquilizer in a havoc I put myself in. A black-and-white photo showing a film set and actors taking a break between scenes.

Time frame could be end of 1950’s or sometime in the 60’s.

What is it that provided such a sense of inner peace? They were sitting on folding chairs, resting, yet that’s was all they were doing! No talking on a mobile phone, no texting messages, no taking pictures of the set with a mobile and sending them to facebook friends (because information has to be sent on time – instant!), none browsing through piles of newspapers and magazines to check if there is something about them and their work in it, no PR person with a laptop replying to a bunch of emails…

No dispersion of focus and energy. All present and immersed in what’s in front of them at that moment. All focused on one current creation. One at a time.

They may have called a friend, wrote a letter, developed that film once they got home and watched the photograph emerge, slowly…

… There is a lot of talk about acceleration of time these days, but isn’t the real challenge what we actually do with any time we have. So far it seems we are just putting in more and more things to immerse ourselves in, to ponder upon, to do during a day and at the end the actual 24 hours seem so short.

Even though the previously mentioned photograph was made way before I was even born, it made me feel so cosy today and even though the larger percentage of my work is done with a help of electronic devices, internet and many modern gadgets that help us do our research, connect, learn, I still sometimes wonder would there be more peace in our minds and our surroundings if there was less noise. The information that reaches us and disturbs us and leaves us powerless because there is nothing we can do to make things better – that is also noise. Noise that keeps amygdala on alert and leaves little to imagination what happens to our mind and body when such a condition becomes regular.

Anyway…  It comes to the same conclusion: some changes are favoured, some are not – for some. All is in a move and another change may be for the better and then maybe not – for some. For some and for some time.

Change or anything else for that matter means nothing until we personally give meaning to it and define how it affects our lives as the meaning I gave to that photograph served me as a reminder to slow down the flooding of thought processes and helped me in regaining balance today.

I wonder if the photographer who made it ever thought his work would be in that way precious for someone, someday…